OZZIEBEAR IN EUROPE
ANOTHER STORY
FROM
THE
FLUFFY FAMOUS FIVE SERIES
© Tom in Oz 2012
'UNBEARABLE HARDSHIP'
Tommy and Ozziebear waited patiently for the Lake Constance tour boat to arrive. For a while they sat in the peace and quiet on the resort's lake-front patio. It was a delightful autumnal day with a lovely breeze blowing from across the turquoise waters. After 40 minutes it started to get a little warm and steamy. Clouds were forming above. The tour boat was now unbearably late!
Ozzie paced back and forth and kept going out to the water's edge and along the jetty to see if the boat was coming.
Oz got hungry again and decided while he was on the jetty it was time to have a quick "fish and dip." Tommy also had time to order some seafood for breakfast. Ozzie couldn't understand though why it came seved on knitting needles!
Almost an hour late because it broke down, the tour boat arrived. Both Tommy and Oz were fed and watered by this stage, if a little anxious, so they just sat back and tried to relax as the boat chugged out to the mysterious island that Ozzie had spotted at sunrise.
When the early morning sun was glinting over the island, Ozzie had assumed it was coloured pink but the closer they steamed the more green the island became.
They arrived on the island just before lunch but all the way there Ozzie kept feeling like he was being watched, yet again.
He and Tom hadn't seen the mysterious zeppelin following high above the boat.
He and Tom hadn't seen the mysterious zeppelin following high above the boat.
After he got his "land legs" it didn't take long before Tommy was back to his normal old self, placing Ozzie on various fences and taking cheesy tourist snaps. Ozzie was way too pooped to argue or walk, his little tiny legs could not compete with Tommy's, so he suffered the indignity of being plonked upon numerous fences and garden railings! He lost count of how many times Tommy told him to smile and act naturally!
Tom was constantly looking left, right and centre trying to discover clues to the origin of the island's name...a name he'd still not shared with Ozzie...but nobody Tom asked knew what he was talking about!
"I am starting to think we may have been lured to this island on false pretences," laughed Tommy!
"I am starting to think we may have been lured to this island on false pretences," laughed Tommy!
Oz was a proficient fence-sitter and liked most of the places Tommy sat him down. The fences on the island were polished and smooth, unlike the tourist town Tom and Oz had visited on their first day.
Tom sat Ozzie on a lichen-covered railing near a big Grecian urn.
Ozzie kept musing to himself that he knew a really old joke about Grecian urns, but sitting on the railing made his bottom severely itch and Oz didn't lichen it very much...
Ozzie kept musing to himself that he knew a really old joke about Grecian urns, but sitting on the railing made his bottom severely itch and Oz didn't lichen it very much...
When Tommy was distracted momentarily by a scantily clad girl passing by, Ozzie tried to play peek-a-boo by jumping off the rails and hiding in a bed of dahlias.
Unfortunately, Tommy couldn't see Ozzie and headed in a different direction following the girl, leaving poor Ozzie stranded like a petunia in an onion patch!
"Help," shouted Ozzie!
"Please help me, I am only a little bear!"
But nobody came!
"I should never have gone off the rails," he lamented!
Ozzie was a tough bear (for his size) and after composing his thoughts he decided he would just have to rescue himself! Ozzie had to negotiate rough prickly terrain, forward raging streams, climb hills, avoid falling rocks, endure unspeakable thirst, battle boiling temperatures and withstand torturous hardship for up to 12 unbearably long minutes before he reached a town.
Ozzie was now sitting on the edge of civilization but he couldn't spot anybody familiar. He was a little worse for wear but determined to find Tommy before sundown...
Meanwhile, far above in the zeppelin, evil Doctor Moonglow (the German border security officer in charge of subordinate Miss Snoozie), was monitoring Ozzie and Tom's every movement on his twin state-of-the-art surveillance screens.
Doctor Moonglow was sure that Tommy was trying to smuggle Ozziebear across the German border and back to his homeland.
Moonglow would stop at nothing to get his man (or bear, in this case)!
The Doctor was conniving and treacherous to say the least. It was Moonglow that had sent Miss Snoozie to nail up signs with the fake name for the tourist island - he knew Tommy would not be able to resit and would be lured by the intriguing name - and he was right!
It was Moonglow that had forced Miss Snoozie to distract poor hapless Tommy by becoming a piece of scantily clad bait!
Will Ozzie find Tommy and make it off the island of Doctor Moonglow?
TO BE CONTINUED...
All photography by Thomas Markstahler and Mark M. Merrett.
Story by Tom in Oz.
RUN STEWART RUN
DJstewartwho: @Charliecondou I'm in @AlbertKennedyTr Drag Race on Sunday. This is your fault. Have you any idea how wrecked I'll be? http://www.justgiving.com/Stewart-Who
Charliecondou: @DJstewartwho amazing! I love you Stewart cxx
THE HUNT FOR RED...SEPTEMBER?
ruth_hunt: Off to Salford to talk babies and @Alt_Parenting with the lovely @Charliecondou tomorrow. And the BBC Breakfast team.
Charliecondou: @ruth_hunt see you tomorrow! X
ruth_hunt: @Charliecondou We're going to have great fun. Even though it'll be half seven in the morning.
THE JOE INTERVIEW
Charliecondou: RT @farahvintage: This week Joe Mills from @JoeandCoSoho hangs out with the CORONATION STREET star Charlie Condou: http://t.co/CFiEY0Gz
HOW NOT TO DROP YOUR BUNDLE IN PUBLIC
Charliecondou: SHE DOESNT EVEN COME OFF THE PHONE!!!
NicolaAnderton: @Charliecondou - without a shadow if doubt that would be @BrookeLVincent hahaha
Charliecondou: @NicolaAnderton @BrookeLVincent that's made me and @michkeegan piss ourselves
NicolaAnderton: @Charliecondou @brookelvincent @michkeegan - u may laugh, but u both know it's true haha #myangel
BrookeLVincent: @NicolaAnderton @Charliecondou @michkeegan alright pc plod chill out!!! I'm investing in hands free when I give birth!!!
competitivemum: @Charliecondou that's outrageous!
Charliecondou: @competitivemum don't get me started!
Shmouise: @Charliecondou Is that a baby on the floor?
BASKING IN 'THE SUN'
TheSunNW: SPOTTED: Corrie stars Paula Lane and Charlie Condou looking cool for the first night of Legally Blonde The Musical
ILLEGALLY BLONDE
AlexiSafron: Guys go & see legally blonde while it's touring, it's fab & very funny. Thank u @Charliecondou for not trying it on with me in the theatre!
Charliecondou: @AlexiSafron I did try, you just didn't notice #mesmerisedbytheUPSguy
AlexiSafron: @Charliecondou lol! I think you'll find that was you!
Charliecondou: @AlexiSafron fair point
K-MAC
Charliecondou: This weekend I'll be giving a talk on bullying at the alternative parenting show, then hosting the Soho drag race #sublimetotheridiculous
Fredstar85: @Charliecondou ooh when is that? The drag race I mean
Charliecondou: @Fredstar85 Sunday! Get your heels on!!
plonkymiff: @Charliecondou will you be in full attire? :)
Charliecondou: @plonkymiff not a fucking chance
Al3xWalker: @Charliecondou HAHAHAHA Sounds like a great day full of laughs and no doubt a couple of G+T's will be drunk too!!!
Charliecondou: @Al3xWalker no doubt
plonkymiff: @Charliecondou Haha #spoilsport
semadivad: @Charliecondou @plonkymiff At least a fascinator and a bit a lippy?
Charliecondou: @semadivad @plonkymiff but that's just my regular day wear
IanAFletcher: @Charliecondou where/when is the soho drag race?
Charliecondou: @IanAFletcher this Sunday from the Admiral Duncan I believe
IanAFletcher: @Charliecondou glamorous!
patrickdesmonde: @Charliecondou when is the drag race?
Charliecondou: @patrickdesmonde Sunday
patrickdesmonde: @Charliecondou thank you
simperman: @Charliecondou Could you do the anti-bullying talk in drag to save time?
Charliecondou: @simperman perfect!
Vivienneclore: I am on a train with Jo Brand discussing weird words
A FACE OFF
DanRebellato: Facebook is so desperate for me to befriend Celia Imrie, it is now recommending TWO SEPARATE CELIA IMRIES. http://yfrog.com/kf50220724j
Charliecondou: @DanRebellato that's funny, Facebook is always trying to persuade me to be friends with you
DanRebellato: @Charliecondou Sometimes Facebook has terrifically good taste.
Charliecondou: @DanRebellato that's what I told the Celias
RUN STEWART RUN
DJstewartwho: @Charliecondou I'm in @AlbertKennedyTr Drag Race on Sunday. This is your fault. Have you any idea how wrecked I'll be? http://www.justgiving.com/Stewart-Who
Charliecondou: @DJstewartwho amazing! I love you Stewart cxx
THE HUNT FOR RED...SEPTEMBER?
ruth_hunt: Off to Salford to talk babies and @Alt_Parenting with the lovely @Charliecondou tomorrow. And the BBC Breakfast team.
Charliecondou: @ruth_hunt see you tomorrow! X
ruth_hunt: @Charliecondou We're going to have great fun. Even though it'll be half seven in the morning.
THE JOE INTERVIEW
Charliecondou: RT @farahvintage: This week Joe Mills from @JoeandCoSoho hangs out with the CORONATION STREET star Charlie Condou: http://t.co/CFiEY0Gz
HOW NOT TO DROP YOUR BUNDLE IN PUBLIC
Charliecondou: SHE DOESNT EVEN COME OFF THE PHONE!!!
NicolaAnderton: @Charliecondou - without a shadow if doubt that would be @BrookeLVincent hahaha
Charliecondou: @NicolaAnderton @BrookeLVincent that's made me and @michkeegan piss ourselves
NicolaAnderton: @Charliecondou @brookelvincent @michkeegan - u may laugh, but u both know it's true haha #myangel
BrookeLVincent: @NicolaAnderton @Charliecondou @michkeegan alright pc plod chill out!!! I'm investing in hands free when I give birth!!!
competitivemum: @Charliecondou that's outrageous!
Charliecondou: @competitivemum don't get me started!
Shmouise: @Charliecondou Is that a baby on the floor?
BASKING IN 'THE SUN'
TheSunNW: SPOTTED: Corrie stars Paula Lane and Charlie Condou looking cool for the first night of Legally Blonde The Musical
ILLEGALLY BLONDE
Charliecondou: @AlexiSafron I did try, you just didn't notice #mesmerisedbytheUPSguy
AlexiSafron: @Charliecondou lol! I think you'll find that was you!
Charliecondou: @AlexiSafron fair point
K-MAC
Charliecondou: RT @prodnose: By the way, Kelvin Mackenzie - you disgusting little fucker.
Charliecondou: RT @prodnose: "The very people who should have protected the victims, then turned on the victims and their families to protect themselves
Charliecondou: RT @alexispetridis: Tell you what, Hillsborough aside, Irvine Patnick sounds in no way like an awful thundering shit of a man, does he? ...
Charliecondou: RT @kelvinmackenzie: My Twitter is going mentAl because of people thinking I'm the sun editor and getting rakes of abuse! I'm the good guy
BUMBLING BORIS
Charliecondou: RT @prodnose: "The very people who should have protected the victims, then turned on the victims and their families to protect themselves
Charliecondou: RT @alexispetridis: Tell you what, Hillsborough aside, Irvine Patnick sounds in no way like an awful thundering shit of a man, does he? ...
Charliecondou: RT @kelvinmackenzie: My Twitter is going mentAl because of people thinking I'm the sun editor and getting rakes of abuse! I'm the good guy
BUMBLING BORIS
Charliecondou: RT @joemuggs: Always remember what loveable bumbling Boris said about Hillsborough http://t.co/RRFibUWS #toryscum #dontbelievethehype
PARKING
PARKING
Will_Rush: At Piccadilly station... Where should I park @JackPShepherd88 ?!
JackPShepherd88: @Will_Rush anywhere mate its free, #SodIt #YOLO
Will_Rush: @JackPShepherd88 Totally forgot... On the train, beer or milk? #FuckitBro #YOLO
georgiafoote: hahahaha! What happened in the end? Did he pay? X
Charliecondou: @georgiafoote @Will_Rush @JackPShepherd88 PLEASE tell me he had to pay!!
georgiafoote: @Charliecondou @will_rush @jackpshepherd88 pahaha it was quite funny tbh x
JackPShepherd88: @Charliecondou @georgiafoote @Will_Rush no Condou I didn't pay a thing, thank you
HELL
JackPShepherd88: @Will_Rush anywhere mate its free, #SodIt #YOLO
Will_Rush: @JackPShepherd88 Totally forgot... On the train, beer or milk? #FuckitBro #YOLO
georgiafoote: hahahaha! What happened in the end? Did he pay? X
Charliecondou: @georgiafoote @Will_Rush @JackPShepherd88 PLEASE tell me he had to pay!!
georgiafoote: @Charliecondou @will_rush @jackpshepherd88 pahaha it was quite funny tbh x
JackPShepherd88: @Charliecondou @georgiafoote @Will_Rush no Condou I didn't pay a thing, thank you
HELL
Charliecondou: RT @thervt: Tomorrow: DAVID HOYLE's 100 Years of Hell, a special b'day show w/ Gerry Potter + the nation's sweethearts, Bitz n Bobz http://www.rvt.org.uk/event/100-years-hell
THIS WEEKEND COMING
THIS WEEKEND COMING
Charliecondou: This weekend I'll be giving a talk on bullying at the alternative parenting show, then hosting the Soho drag race #sublimetotheridiculous
Fredstar85: @Charliecondou ooh when is that? The drag race I mean
Charliecondou: @Fredstar85 Sunday! Get your heels on!!
plonkymiff: @Charliecondou will you be in full attire? :)
Charliecondou: @plonkymiff not a fucking chance
Al3xWalker: @Charliecondou HAHAHAHA Sounds like a great day full of laughs and no doubt a couple of G+T's will be drunk too!!!
Charliecondou: @Al3xWalker no doubt
plonkymiff: @Charliecondou Haha #spoilsport
semadivad: @Charliecondou @plonkymiff At least a fascinator and a bit a lippy?
Charliecondou: @semadivad @plonkymiff but that's just my regular day wear
IanAFletcher: @Charliecondou where/when is the soho drag race?
Charliecondou: @IanAFletcher this Sunday from the Admiral Duncan I believe
IanAFletcher: @Charliecondou glamorous!
patrickdesmonde: @Charliecondou when is the drag race?
Charliecondou: @patrickdesmonde Sunday
patrickdesmonde: @Charliecondou thank you
simperman: @Charliecondou Could you do the anti-bullying talk in drag to save time?
Charliecondou: @simperman perfect!
FAG BREAKS
Vivienneclore: I am on a train with Jo Brand discussing weird words
Charliecondou: @Vivienneclore come and have a look around Corrie while you're up! I'll show you around x
Vivienneclore: @Charliecondou ooh that's a plan....it's a five show record day but jo does take fag breaks!
Charliecondou: @Vivienneclore marvellous! Let me know when you're free x
Vivienneclore: @Charliecondou ooh that's a plan....it's a five show record day but jo does take fag breaks!
Charliecondou: @Vivienneclore marvellous! Let me know when you're free x
A FACE OFF
DanRebellato: Facebook is so desperate for me to befriend Celia Imrie, it is now recommending TWO SEPARATE CELIA IMRIES. http://yfrog.com/kf50220724j
Charliecondou: @DanRebellato that's funny, Facebook is always trying to persuade me to be friends with you
DanRebellato: @Charliecondou Sometimes Facebook has terrifically good taste.
Charliecondou: @DanRebellato that's what I told the Celias
FAMILY
Charliecondou: RT @andywasley: I'll be on @bbc5live this morning at 8.20 to discuss #EqualMarriage. Tune in live: http://t.co/JRFR7JnK
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