CHARLIE CONDOU - No.667

MORE ANGST FOR MARIA AND MARCUS

Maria: So what do you think?

Marcus: *in a shaking voice* Erm the fringe...is a bit gappy....?

MORE BANGS FOR YOUR BUCKS

realsamia: My new (old) hairdo.. For those who asked to c it! :) #moremeithink

Charliecondou: @realsamia love the non-gappy fringe x

realsamia: @Charliecondou hehe!! Trust u to notice.. #baneofyourlife :))

MEN AND THEIR MEAT

misterhsk: A good Friday is when @Charliecondou calls and says he's coming to dinner AND he's bringing the meat.

THE CAST OF CORRIE ARE GOOD EGGS!

jaynemcgough: @Charliecondou how amazing is this corrie 'egg decorating' entry my friend tom did for work today?!Please RT!

Charliecondou: RT @jaynemcgough: @Charliecondou how amazing is this corrie 'egg decorating' entry my friend tom did for work today?!Please RT!

jaynemcgough: I tweeted a couple of corrie actors with pictures of @MrTamGomble's corrie egg and got my first retweet by @Charliecondou ! :) fame Tom! Lol

jaynemcgough: @MrTamGomble your pic is on his fan blog! Hehe Charlie Condou Confidential

A GOOD FRIDAY SET OF TWEETS

*HAPPY CHOC DAY TO ALL OF YOU FROM ALL OF ME*

ChasCondouFans: 

SirThomasWynn:

SirThomasWynne:

Confidential_CC:

ChasCondouBlog:

Dear you, yes you! It's Good Friday in Oz so I can officially send you an Easter Greeting.
HAPPY EASTER
From Tom and Family.

DinaPugliese: @ChasCondouFans thank-u! Happy Easter to you as well :)

Gamuofficial: @ChasCondouBlog happy Easter lovely :) x

Potentilly: @Confidential_CC Happy Easter to you too.

Glinner: @ChasCondouBlog you too!

marcuswhitney: @SirThomasWynne and to you Tom, hope you and you're family have a lovely one

SirThomasWynne: @marcuswhitney1 we shall try Marcus. It's gonna be wet in Oz they reckon so will be just like spring in Europe!

marcuswhitney: @SirThomasWynne but not cold like here -3 tonight !!

SirThomasWynne: @marcuswhitney1 you know that's a "three dog night"
(in Oz we sleep with layers of dogs to keep us warm) x

MargoJMilne: @ChasCondouBlog Happy easter Tom! xx

RickPantera: @ChasCondouBlog I'm not big on religion. I don't think we should be worshipping aliens just because some may be smarter than we are.

RickPantera: @ChasCondouBlog How ever ... LOL I will take it as a kind gesture - Thank you and Happy Easter or Good Friday to you too

PaulBurston: @ChasCondouBlog and to you too! x

misterhsk: @ChasCondouBlog bless

MarkMMerrett @ChasCondouBlog thx u tommy and hope u get lots of chocolate to munch on

Brendan_Surrey: @ChasCondouBlog Ha! Happy Easter Tom! :o)

PaulPopplewell: @ChasCondouFans why thank you. Happy Easter in Oz. hope the bunny was generous with his egg giving

stuartmurphy100: @ChasCondouFans thanks you too x

chattyman: @ChasCondouFans Why thank you! Happy Easter to you too :) Sam x

davidjwynn: @SirThomasWynne #TeamWynn

GriffRowland: @Confidential_CC thank you kindly and the same to you.

mrchrissullivan: @ChasCondouFans happy egg day

badjonesyinc: @SirThomasWynne happy Easter Pa!!! Here's hoping you get all the eggs you want! Boiled, scrambled and fried! Cx

AbandonedBear: @SirThomasWynne Bandy!!! Giggles, thank you, you sexy beast ;0)

Wolfie_Rankin: @SirThomasWynne You too, I almost slept through it.

nancycato1: @SirThomasWynne:Thank you Tom. A day of quiet thought today about all sorts of things.But lovey family catch ups in days to come. Keep safe. Enjoy your Easter break.

ghtonyuk: @ChasCondouFans to you too xxxx

WandaOpalinska: @ChasCondouFans Thank you! And a very happy, hoppy Easter to you too x

purplybunny: @SirThomasWynne awww thanks! xxx back at ya xx

Bcgkelly: @SirThomasWynne MANY HAPPY RETURNS TOM

MargMolly: @SirThomasWynne Hey Darling Tom!! Thank you for your Easter Greetings. Reciprocated with love xx

FriskyElf: @SirThomasWynne thanks! U2! X

matthewjpateman: @Confidential_CC Yay! Easter Bunny wishes to you too handsome! Have a good one x 

Confidential_CC: @matthewjpateman I shall....I've seen my choc future and it's big - wife left my egg on dining room table accidentally before hiding it

matthewjpateman: @Confidential_CC Little and often or scoff the lot? X

russwrightfla: @Confidential_CC thx for the easter wishes but its just another day to me. Happy easter to u tho

Confidential_CC: @russwrightfla happy choc day then if you believe in choc that is x

russwrightfla: @Confidential_CC always believe in chocolate

simperman: @Confidential_CC Happy Easter ☀

michaelbosc: @ChasCondouFans thanks looking forward to the Easter Bunny's visit hope you are well xx

NoNoNannette: @ChasCondouFans Who, me? Happy Easter to you too and you family too, Tommy! 

ChasCondouFans: @NoNoNannette30 it's Easter not Halloween! Scary! x x x

NoNoNannette: @ChasCondouFans #Ouch ;)

KnaveoG: @ChasCondouFans Good egg, - or should that be day? Have a good one with the grand kid.

drewdriverxxx: @ChasCondouFans

ChasCondouFans: Lovely card Drew! @drewdriverxxx But how does Easter Bunny Drew fit down his bunny hole with such a big.......erm......set of......eggs?

drewdriverxxx: @ChasCondouFans that be telling haha how are you ?

ChasCondouFans: @drewdriverxxx am well though outside it is a wet Good Friday here. My eggs are all dry and safe. Hope you are also well son x

MarcDanielSamps: @ChasCondouFans Happy Easter to you all too. Have a lovely weekend..x 

ChasCondouFans: @MarcDanielSamps thanks for the pic of Charlie Condou.....Oh, I see you're dropping hints...you'd like to get a Charlie for Easter, right?

MarcDanielSamps: @ChasCondouFans If I was gay and he wasn't married, then maybe. I'll stick to chocolate for now...;)

shazzynabby: @SirThomasWynn Unofficially Happy Easter to you too :)

ViscountLeighto: @ChasCondouFans Thank you kindly Sir. ;) #GoodFriday

FoxyLorri64: @SirThomasWynne that's lovely,Thankyou! Happy Easter to you all xxxxx

tnvol19: @ChasCondouFans Ty, Tommy! Little critters & I send you hugs & best wishes for a Happy Easter!

marcyeats: @Confidential_CC well in that case, a very Happy Easter to you too! Xx

Deejrdee: @SirThomasWynne aww thanks tom. Its only 3 days till easter in the U.S. so happy early easter :-)

TVKev: @ChasCondouBlog Thank you Charlie. Get you down under in Oz! Happy Easter to you too.

ChasCondouBlog: @TVKev Kevin this is Tom Wynn I run the blog for Charlie. He's otherwise traipsing the countryside in the UK so I am sending out greetings x

ChasCondouBlog: @TVKev yeah I know it's not as nice as the real Charlie tweeting you.... But still have a great Easter.

TVKev: @ChasCondouBlog Ah. So what are you doing in Oz?

ChasCondouBlog: @TVKev am a retired Deputy Principal, married, grandpa, I run 5 blogs, own a mobile disco, am a JP, am an author working on a book at mo...

ChasCondouBlog: @TVKev I'm constantly promoting gay rights hence the blog has articles at times [I have a gay brother] & it's nice to be be able to support Charlie too.

TVKev: @ChasCondouBlog Keeping busy then!

ChasCondouBlog: @TVKev yes mate retirement has allowed me to relax a bit more though.

gurleepantz: @ChasCondouFans happy easter :-)

lynnerosie: @SirThomasWynne ((hugs)) Happy Easter to you too :-)

BienSoeur: @ChasCondouFans Happy Easter my dear!! Sorry I've been busy away from Twitter lately but my dear friends here always in my thoughts! :-)xx

soxysmurfy: @ChasCondouFans huggles Pa, Happy Easter Egg Day ;-) xx

DamienOz: @ChasCondouFans oohhhh how kind. Thank you!! Have a great Easter you!!

Dylandesouza: @ChasCondouFans cheers mate, Happy Easter down under, may you find your eggs x

BoyVirginiaMade: @ChasCondouFans thanks so much! Happy Easter to you as well!!

WhoGuru: @ChasCondouFans Easter hugs and kisses for you big daddy! *Huggles* Happy Easter down under! :D

LeFouGallois: @ChasCondouFans TY, honey....happy easter 2u too! ;) mwahhhh!

HMSTrincomalee: @ChasCondouFans Thank you & happy Easter to you too. We need some Oz sunshine though - snow & freezing cold in UK at moment #wantingspring

angloirishgal: @SirThomasWynne Happy Easter to you and your family too, Tom! Very cold here even for England in March. Not quite Good Friday here. Enjoy!xx

MancVamp: @SirThomasWynne @angloirishgal Thanks both. Happy Easter to you too. x

DaveyH: @ChasCondouFans Thanx Happy Easter to you too x

StevenWilson00: @ChasCondouFans thank me duck x

david_kirwan: @Confidential_CC ah thanks for the Easter message

Lionesskeeper: @SirThomasWynne Happy Easter to you too Tom ^_^

SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC TOM

MY TRULY STRANGE VISION FOR ACTOR WALLES HAMMONDE THAT BEGAN LAST WEEK ON FRIDAY...

WheresWalles: #ff the support group! @MarkMMerrett @TomMarkstahler @SirThomasWynne @liriandersson @duds68 @starlogic2106 @MsCloo @OAKparul

SirThomasWynne: @WheresWalles  hiya & just when I thort you had forgotten me #returnFFs

SirThomasWynne: @WheresWalles ....had a mini vision while tweeting back to you...

WheresWalles: @SirThomasWynne what does that mean?! :-)

SirThomasWynne: @WheresWalles saw a pic like a cover of an old Beatle's album but don't know what it means to you.... I'll tweet a copy to you if I can find it on net

SirThomasWynne: @WheresWalles found cover, my vision was like a Carnaby Street era scene with rainbows etc

SirThomasWynne: @WheresWalles don't know what it means just saw it...

WheresWalles: @SirThomasWynne I love it when you have visions. V excited now - will keep you posted! X

SirThomasWynne: @WheresWalles Dear Wallly it's Good Friday in Oz so I can officially send you an Easter Greeting. HAPPY EASTER

WheresWalles: @SirThomasWynne Thanks tom! BTW, noticed this posted yesterday, out of the blue! 

SirThomasWynne: @WheresWalles GEE WHIZ spooky stuff ........!!!!!!!

RICHARD GRIFFITHS

streetworker01: How sad to learn Richard Griffiths has passed away. He was superb in The History Boys.

Confidential_CC: @streetworker01 Martin I got to see Richard Griffiths live in the History Boys when it was performed in Sydney many years ago.

streetworker01: @Confidential_CC I only ever saw the film, alas.

Confidential_CC: @streetworker01 the stage play also had some of his Pie In The Sky cast (Maggie), as well as Rus Tovey and James Corden. There were lots more jokes in the play than the film...

R.I.P.

RICHARD GRIFFITHS

Richard Griffiths passed away 28-3-2013 at age 65 due to complications after heart surgery.
Actors Richard Griffiths and Charlie Condou worked together in the TV series Pie In The Sky.

As a tribute I am repeating one of my favourite story re-tellings from an earlier post. Look out for Richard below he plays Major Hardon-Fluffy!

Well done, a good innings Richard!

- Tom.

PIES IN DISGUISE

AN INNUENDO LADEN RETELLING 

OF AN OLD EPISODE OF 

PIE IN THE SKY

"THE MYSTERY OF PIKEY"

A.K.A.

"A TOOL AND HIS MUMMY"

Are you sitting comfortably children?
Let's begin...

Once upon a time 
There was a poor but honest motorcycle gypsy who brought disgrace upon his family because he refused to steal like the rest of them...

One night while the lad was riding his motorbike home, a local crooked policeman tried very had to convince the young lad that his family would be more than pleased if he took to a life of crime. The young lad said there was only one thing holding him back...

and when the policeman saw the size of the gypsy lad's tool, his latent curiosity was piqued!

 The lad said the reason he was a hopeless thief was because his tool was unnaturally big and often slowed him down and it was more of a burden than something to be proud of...
"Mum says it's genetic!"

The gypsy lad explained that his girlfriend was interested in him only until he showed her his tool...

and then when she realised how big, hard and unwieldy it was, she dumped him!

The girlfriend's brother, who had observed the blossoming romance, was more than impressed with the lad's equipment and decided he could train the young man to use his natural endowments to lead a life of crime, just like the lad's family wanted.

The brother told the gypsy lad to meet him the next day at the old Smuggler's Inn alongside the canal where he would introduce the lad to the local gang who might be able to get him involved in something fishy!

Next morning, the lad went for an uncomfortably long motorbike ride beside the canal trying to avoid squashing his tool while traversing the bumpy, pothole-filled pavement.

He pulled-up close to a local fisherman. After asking for directions, the lad asked to see the fisherman's tackle and commented on how massive his pole was and tried to explain about his own issues. 

The fisherman politely told the gypsy boy he wasn't interested in the lad's big tool but pointed down the way to an old inn where numerous blokes were constantly looking for men with big tools and large scaly packages.

On arrival at the inn, the lad couldn't believe his luck! Within seconds, a man offered to show him a big impressive package right there and then - at the bar!. 

The young lad took a firm grasp of the man's package and emptied its white fleshy contents for all to witness...

Holy mackerel it was a whopper!

The gypsy lad was amazed at the size of the man's cod piece!

Just as the gypsy lad and the man with the big cod piece seemed to be getting along, there was an almighty roar for help from someone near the canal.

The gypsy lad and the other men ran out to look along the canal. They spotted the local fisherman who had caught a motorcycle tyre on his fishing line. He was struggling to release it!

 The gypsy lad rushed to offer assistance.

Before you could say A over T, the weight of the gypsy lad's concealed tool was far too great and he toppled forward taking the fisherman into the canal with him.

The fisherman decided the only course of action was to reach for the gypsy lad's massive box and on reaching it, release its contents into the water...it was a master stroke!

Watching on was Major Hardon-Fluffy, a local restaurateur, he congratulated the fisherman for manhandling the gypsy lad's equipment.
"It's been ages since I've handled one that big myself," he gasped!

 Major Hardon-Fluffy invited the two wet men home to his place which was just on the other side of the canal. Major Hardon-Fluffy had to take the boys down the yellow-brick towpath and over the rainbow bridge to his establishment.

 The gypsy lad and the fisherman were a little reticent on arrival at Major Hardon-Fluffy's restaurant but eventually stripped-off at the promise of dry clothes and a 'long black' one...mmm.

It was a sobering moment when Major Hardon-Fluffy suggested that the boys should stay and work for him as he had a large and gaping hole to fill. The shivering fisherman declined politely and said he already had a steady stream of income.

After a few warm mouthfuls of 'long black' the gypsy lad looked up. He realised he was looking into the eyes of the man from the bar, that had shown him the massive cod piece. The man was obviously a cook in the employ of Major Hardon-Fluffy.
"He's used to handling massive cods," said the gypsy lad,
"I should feel at home here," he continued...
So the lad agreed it was time he settled down into a trade that was almost as good as being a thief - a restaurateur!

Major Hardon-Fluffy organises a background check on the gypsy lad [and his family] using Julian Assange's internet security agency and gets clerarance to offer the lad an under-manager job and eventually makes moves to adopt the fatherless gypsy boy.

The story has a twist... 

The lad goes to the local courthouse to be adopted by Major Hardon-Fluffy but on arrival his old friend the policeman mysteriously shows up. The lad's mum and the policeman reveal that the policeman, is in fact, the biological father of the lad...
In an effort to convince the lad that he is his father, the policeman whips out his tool of the trade - a truncheon!
"Whoa! It's big, stiff and hard," laughs the lad,
"You're my dad for sure!!!"
The policeman congratulates the lad on his new 'under' position and is very happy that his son has been adopted by an experienced older man.
"Son, it's not every day you get a Major Hardon-Fluffy opening to fill."

Happy ever after...

The gypsy lad rises to the top of his profession by working tirelessly and taking advantage of his adoptive daddy's huge opening and by constantly keeping  his hand in.
The lad's mum is finally happy as she gets the career criminal son she always wanted.

- - - - - - THE END - - - - - -

Apologies:
The above pictures come from a 1995 episode of "PIE IN THE SKY" in which Charlie Condou played Karl "Pikey" Elves. If anyone connected to the show is insulted or offended by my reworking, then my job here is done!